A quick glance at the calendar and I am struck with a realization: it has been two months since I officially parted ways with a job title that I strived for over the past five years. Not only that, I have a month left until I step into something new. At the risk of sounding blasphemous, it feels like I am currently in limbo— the not-so sweet spot between liberation from the past. and the uncertainty of the future.
While I am genuinely excited for what’s next, I haven’t been exactly vocal about it— but I intend to be, in time. What I can say for now is that I will be treading an entirely different path from the one I started on. (also read as: I will be making a career shift). I shall get into the specifics some other time in another post; but for now, let’s step back for a bit.
Since I have always been better at processing my feelings through writing, I wanted to take this much-needed (and perhaps much-delayed) time to “honor” the past five years— which proved instrumental to my growth as an individual and as a professional. After all, that period makes up a quarter of my current age (give or take a few months); and when I look at it that way, it feels like a lot lot. Full disclaimer: this will not be a play-by-play of the past, but rather a lengthy musing of how I feel about "closing a chapter".
As a stereotypical Asian kid, I stuck to my parents’ firm agenda to become a professional, and studied to become a Certified Public Accountant even though I was never one for numbers. And while that decision was filled with reluctance at the time it was made, I do not feel any regret in retrospect. After all, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Had I not devoted around four years on a degree in Accountancy, and eventually 5+ years in the world of finance, I probably would not have figured out what I really wanted— or my epiphany would have taken much longer.
So no, that subjectively long time will never be considered a waste for me. Aside from being elemental to bulking up my resumé (not that it is exceptional in comparison to others), my experience over the past years opened a lot of doors and helped me know myself more. From the rigorous working hours that tested my limits, to friendships built and strengthened both within and outside the office premises, CSR events that allowed me to see volunteering in a new light, and even handy corporate discounts that eventually introduced me to my new favorite workout routine— my first five years as a working “adult” were truly formative. And I mean this not just in the technical sense, as much are to be credited towards developed soft skills (or better called “power skills”). I’ve come to accept my designation as a “late bloomer,” not that there is anything negative about it; but whether I have reached my peak or am still on the rise— I am quite uncertain up to this point.
If you’d ask me, I could have stayed in the same line of work (in the same company too) for much longer. After all, I consider adaptability one of my strengths, together with my boundless optimism. However, I realized that I’ve grown too comfortable with the status quo that, ironically, it made me feel uneasy. While it works for some people (and I am happy for them for finding it), there came I point where I couldn’t see my future in the finance world anymore. Mind the word “anymore,” because at some point I did envision myself going up the ranks, inspired by some incredible female executives in the organization.
If quarter-life crisis were real, I was definitely having one. Not to sensationalize the pandemic, but being stuck within the confines of home also changed the way I saw things. It wasn’t just the shock of having to let go of some practices that one was so used to, but also the unpredictability of life and the world. What do I really need? How do I want to live moving forward? At that point, I was coincidentally reading and listening to various materials discussing purpose and passion. What if I can divert my energy and time towards something that fulfills those things?
What’s that “something” then? Figuring out the answer did not come easy— it took me a couple of months too. Once I had a pretty solid idea of what I wanted to pursue next, it was time to bid goodbye to my work. But leaving is not a topic that I speak of freely, because I acknowledge that a level of privilege comes into play. I am lucky to be able to afford (literally and figuratively) to leave my job and have a couple of months off. While I can just walk away, I am awkwardly aware that some are left with no choice. To be honest, there is a sense of guilt behind it. But I try to turn things around by reminding myself that privilege check does not stop at the point of knowing-- what matters more is what you do with what you have.
I said I wouldn’t be overly dramatic about me leaving, but I ended up writing roughly a thousand words on it anyway… ain’t it funny? if you’ve read until the end (I doubt anyone will), thank you! I sincerely wish you enjoy what you do, or at least you’re well on your way to it. Regardless, here's a kind reminder that there is no such thing as a specific timeline. We are in charge of our own journey,
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